I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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