And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
