Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
