Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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