Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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