Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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