I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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