he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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