you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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