i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
