If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize