WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
