i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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