Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize