i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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