I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
