Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
