Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
