"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
