that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
