UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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