she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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