You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
