I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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