so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it hurts more in the daytime
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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