I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
