my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
