Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize