In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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