So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
