I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
