D3 body, D1 cock
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
