What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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