Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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