I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
