Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
