I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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