I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
