i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize