you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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