its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
