Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
