I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
