we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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