Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
