I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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