i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
