She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
