she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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