you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
