This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
