A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
