its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize