hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
