How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
