Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
