Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
