I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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