I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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