Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
