put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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