I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
