I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
now i know why i became what i already was.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
