so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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