I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
