sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
